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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
Guy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Harry asked his wife: Did your leave a tip for the boy who delivers our paper?
His wife replies: Yes, dear. I put some of it in the bushes, some of it on the roof, and some of it in the front yard.
You've been programming too long when
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
A Rabbit walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says, "I want a cup of coffee.” The bartender says, "We don’t serve coffee here" So the Rabbit leaves, but when he leaves he sees two friends entering the bar so he joins them. His friends ask for a beer and sandwich but the rabbit says "I wanna cup of coffee" The bartender says, "We don’t serve coffee here"
So the rabbit leaves again, but he sees two more friends so he joins them in the bar. His friends order a beer and a sandwich but the Rabbit still says, "I want a cup of coffee" "Look,” says the bartender "we don’t serve coffee here. Now leave or I will nail your ears to the bar!" So the rabbit leaves, but he yet again sees two more friends and enters the bar.
But this time the rabbit says, "Do you have a hammer?"
"No" replies the bartender
Do you have any nails?"
"No"
"Then I want a cup of coffee"
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up : "We are all human beans."
Interviewer to Millionaire : To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire : "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer : "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire : "A Billionaire"